Are you visiting someone being cared for by member of your family during this holiday season? Don’t be a jerk. Here’s some etiquette for your visit.
First things first: I can promise you the person(s) providing care is trying their very best. I can promise you, they are making themselves sick, they feel guilty, they are exhausted and they are struggling with anger, grief and depression. BE KIND. ☺️💛
Your one hour visit is absolutely NOT the time to offer your “constructive” criticism. Instead, ask genuine questions about what has been happening in your loved one’s life and care journey. Caregivers are too overwhelmed to delegate effectively. Ask questions to learn where the caregiver is struggling. ❓👂🏻
Then SHUT UP AND LISTEN. We have one mouth and two ears for a reason. 👂🏻 🤐
Acknowledge all the hard work the caregiver is doing. Caregiving is lonely. Our caregivers often sacrifice the things that bring them joy, their social wellbeing, time with friends and family. Being seen as a human with needs and pain and joys separate from the person they’re caring for is important to their holistic health and wellbeing. 🤩😋
Watching and listening could reveal important ways you can provide help to the caregiver even if you aren’t nearby. Maybe they need help with the yard or garden, housekeeping, or home repairs? Tell them you can research and hire for these services. 🧹🪴
You can hire an elder care doula or companionship care for a few hours of respite care a week for the caregiver, or if you are local, do that yourself. A woman I helped last week, made tuna salad, ate it while watching a television show she was missing, and took a bath. Those simple things can be so important for someone who gets very little rest due to constant awareness and alertness. 🥪 🛀
Don’t just be a “swooper” who swoops in only on special occasions, then “poops” on everything like some sort of animal and leaves. Talk to the caregiver as often as you can between visits. Because even if you don’t have a close relationship with the caregiver, if you love the care-receiver, you need to provide support for the caregiver. A cared for caregiver gives better care. It’s good for everyone. 🚫 💩
