There are several resources available for people to talk to their loved ones about their end of life plans. I’ve shared Death Deck cards here before, and I will be sharing other resources in the future. But what if you or your loved ones have too many questions or fears surrounding death and dying to make your end of plans? Sometimes just speaking about those fears helps us gain control over them. Once we’re not afraid to acknowledge that we will die, we can take steps and make those plans that help us take control of our death and end of life and bring peace of mind to yourself and those you love.
One way to do that is attending a Death Cafe, which we’ll talk about today.
Death Cafes started a decade ago based on the concept of a Swiss sociologist and later refined by John Underwood in the UK. Underwood worked with his mother who was a psychologist to establish guidelines that would help people open up and share their thoughts and experiences about death and dying. Since Underwood’s first meeting in 2011, the concept has expanded to 66 countries.
The simple purpose of a Death Cafe is to bring around a dozen people together with cake or other sweets and beverages. A Death Cafe is not a singular physical location, but a gathering that can be held anywhere including people’s homes.
During the pandemic and lockdowns, those interested in reaching out to their communities to encourage conversations about death, dying and grief moved to virtual platforms and many of those options continue and can be found globally. Some have adapted and narrowed the concept to encourage specific groups such as physicians, women who are starting menopause, or BIPOC to attend. Alternatively, because of these unprecedented times, some are hosting virtual life cafes, where participants share how they are coping and techniques they are using to holistically strengthen themselves to live a healthier life in a time when, often despite our best efforts, our minds, bodies and spirits are burdened with the depression, stress and grief of our world events and oppression.
I started a virtual Death Cafe shortly after starting my practice. I discontinued after a about a year due to other obligations, but I’m starting them again. I will host another community Death Cafe-style virtual event on Tuesday, May 14 at 6:30 PM ET. It is free and open to anyone, and the conversations can be about anything that you feel you need to talk about. Holding these conversations by Zoom allows everyone to participate and gives us all a sense of togetherness, but if you’re not ready to share with strangers, I’m available for private chats as well. I’m still looking for a location to do an in-person event locally where I can also livestream for those who want to attend remotely. A few people have asked about Instagram or Facebook Live, but those venues don’t facilitate conversations between each other, which is the benefit and foundation of a Death Cafe. I also am available in my private group Solace Sanctuary if people would feel more comfortable carrying on discussions or continuing discussion that way. It is a safe and sacred space where anyone can talk about death, dying, aging, grief and other “big” life and death stuff.
I’m here to help remove the stigma and taboos about death and dying. I got into this work, because I believe our lives are enriched and improved by bringing death, death care, grief and healing back to our communities. I want my community to tell me what it needs. So let me know what I can do and what kind of service you might be interested in. I value your feedback.
